betrayed by the body

Feeling glum today. Got some worrisome news about my mother's health. I'm a wreck about it - I have foolishly come to take her presence in our lives for granted. She's my rock, my guidepost, and a truly loving soul - I assumed she was going to be around forever. Now I am all to keenly aware of how precious little time we really have with those we love. After losing my father 11 1/2 years ago in a matter of weeks- which completely turned my life upside down - I had convinced myself that she would be with us for decades - I mean no god could be so cruel as to take both parents at such a young age, right? I watched my mother cope with the loss of my father with grace, dignity and strength and then find happiness again right at the time that everything in my personal life was falling nicely into place... and things have been going swimmingly for everyone in the family for the past 6 years. Life - or Death rather - has a funny way of rearing its ugly face and biting you in the ass on a semi-regular basis - doesn't it? Of course all these morbid musings are premature - she hasn't gotten a confirmed negative diagnosis - and she seems very optimistic about the whole thing - the MDs said it was likely a benign ovarian cyst - but the paranoid freak in me is already envisioning the worst. I hate that about myself - why can't I just roll with it, hope for the best and be convinced that nothing terrible will happen?

the day after all hallow's eve and the great outdoors

So we've come full circle - I started this silly blog a year ago and have managed a whopping SEVEN posts so far... I wanna be a blogger - I do I do - but it's so hard to find the time to write it all down. Life happens pretty fast around here and I'd love to capture more of it and save it for the hereafter. So with renewed energy I'm forging on with my blog - and am determined to get better at crystallizing the daily mundane for posterity's sake.
'Treaties' were a big hit with the under 4 set yesterday - but of course I entrusted camera to TCT so no pics available. I'm going to "stage" some Halloween shots so you can see how sweet they were in costume.
It really is beautiful out here - the colors have been amazing this year - of course would be better if you could see a picture of them! I have mixed feelings about the country living thing - I like the simplicity of it - but sometimes it is too simple... and the bugs and great outdoors still sorta freak me out. Would I give it up for city living - which would require a full time job with benefits, day care, etc.? Hard to say... probably not - I do revel in being able to watch F & S blossom before my very eyes. But financial stability and the "opt in to the chaos" nature of the city does have a certain appeal. The biggest news to hit these remote parts is the apparent abduction (and presumed ghoulish demise) of two neighborhood cats by a coyote. Haven't met the dastardly culprit yet and have no desire to - I mean for the love of god - it's like Little House on the Prairie but for real - what on earth would I do if I crossed paths with a freaking coyote - it's not like I'm armed or anything (but some of the toothless wonders who live around here and poach on our property would probably be willing to help me out!)

business as usual?

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getting in touch with my inner Martha

so this whole mommy blogosphere mystifies me. how do all the SAHMs (oowee - look at how proficient I am in blogspeak!) have time to read, blog and comment on everyone else's blogs? I mean seriously - piles of undone laundry beckon (I'm ignoring the 'wash me, fold me' pleas), the house is a wreck while I'm surfing and blogging. Obviously I'm not privy to the secret on how to balance life, family and blogging. Speaking of balance - inner balance that is - I'm checking out a Hatha yoga workshop this weekend. I've been doing the Bikram yoga thing lately - love it - sweat, sweat, sweat all that bad karma away - but figured it was worth checking out another discipline.
BTW - today is the day I turn over a 'new blogging' leaf - I've dusted off my digital camera and am going to get trigger happy. Won't the grandparents and aunties be pleased! (it's not really my fault that the first four years of S's life,and the first 16 months of F's are largely undocumented - I've been too busy living in the moment - well sort of - I've just been busy trying to get the hang of this whole parenting thing - and I've been ignoring my inner Martha- maybe in about 15 years I'll be ready to start working on family albums, and baby books )

Working to figure out the logistics behind the blogosphere. here's pic of me - it's a classic 'i haven't slept for a full night in 4 years' look but hey at least you can't see the underbelly of grey hair. gotta love the zoom out feature on cameras.

4th of July musings - ears, ears, more ears

It was pretty good 4th in the grand scheme of things. We had a little BBQ (with a slight mishap halfway through - thank god for the broiler to finish the cooking process). S and T made their way to fireworks later in the evening while Francesca and I laid low. Francesca was understandly beat - she had a rough time of it early yesterday due to antibiotics - she basically purged the entire content of her stomach in her car seat and on my lap yesterday a.m. as we were leaving the grocery store (it was DISSSGUISTING - try driving home in puke-soaked shorts - not a pretty sight). I've been beating myself up about the whole ear infection thing. It doesn't help that the ENT is really good at serving up a healthy dose of guilt with every recommendation she doles out. She honestly said to me during our initial visit "you could give her one more round of antibiotics, but after that you' d pretty much be considered a bad mommy', and then this gem (after then pushing the proverbial 'last round of antibiotics before I become a bad mommy' on me) "boy if it were my baby and she were hurting i'd want to get her on antibiotics right away". ARGGH! I caved and scheduled tube surgery for early August, and even accepted the prescription for antibiotics - but after yesterday's puking incident and her terrible diaper rash I stopped giving it to her. I remain hopeful that we can find a way out of this earache nightmare without the tubes, but it sure is hard keeping the faith in the alternative treatments. I've basically imposed a one month deadline on the whole affair - if the infection doesn't resolve in the next month and the fluid doesn't drain we're going in for tubes. I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing and I don't know why I'm so skeptical of conventional medicine - and then equally skeptical of alternative medicine. Maybe I just need to accept the fact that she need tubes and move on. But what if there were a way to solve this naturally? Without hocus pocus? Like acupuncture and dietary change? Fingers crossed.

City Girl, Country Mouse and Snake Be Gone

So you're wondering why in the world I would admit to being a countryslicker - that weird amalgamation of city girl and country mouse. Not that I was really ever that 'slick' during my city days - it's just that I'm very much addicted to commotion, espresso drinks, public transportation and all the trappings of the daily grind in the city. We (my mini-family: husband, then 9- month old son Sebastien, and I) moved to the country 2 1/2 years ago from the city. The plan was to get away from it all - the stress (both financial and social) of the city, two jobs, nannies, noise, traffic, pollution, etc. and settle into an idyllic country life where we would raise our babies, grow tomatoes and herbs and re-invent ourselves with grace and country charm. So with the benefit of hindsight, I can now look back at our naive approach to the transition, laugh and sometimes say out loud "what the F*** were we thinking!" But mostly things are good - we are raising our babies mostly in the country (we've added a 2nd, sweet Francesca, who just turned one, and Sebastien is now a large and in charge 3 1/2 year old dictator). The herb and tomato garden is still pretty much a figment of my imagination -we haven't managed to tame our wild 25 acre yard, let alone plant things that grow on purpose. I'm still very addicted to a certain slice of city living so I drive 25 miles pretty much on a daily basis to the nearest urban center to get coffee, see people and revel in the muted hustle and bustle of a small town. And semi-regularly absolutely need to get myself to a real city and get lost in its lovely chaos. We have a great old house in the middle of nowhere, on a nice piece of land with a river that runs through it, but I'm not-so-secretly terrified of the outdoors (especially the snakes in the field) so I mostly drive into town to take my children to play in the park, like civilized children would do. I know, I know, it's rather neurotic but it can't be helped. Maybe if we get some 'Snake Be Gone' and sprinkle it around, and continue to cultivate the skunk and possum community that lives under our smokehouse and supposedly feed on snakes, I'll feel better about it, but until then my kids and I are meat in the seat, driving to 'town' for all our outdoor adventures.

Francesca monster, acupuncture, et al.

Right, so the blogging thing really worked out well for me. Let's see, one post in eight months - I'm headed for a Pulitzer for sure!
Regardless of that little hiccup I'm determined to give it a go. S and F are trolling about town this morning with their sitter. Funny little monkeys. S said we should take the 'blue path' this morning to avoid the 'Francesca monster'. Where in the world does he get this things? (It's disturbing once you realize that your child's brain has been addled and programmed by overexposure to Dora the Explorer!)

Just back from baby's first ever acupuncture session. Yes - you read that correctly - acupuncture. I know, I know, sticking my 1 year old with needles seems cruel but I'm really hoping that it will help her raging ear infections. After months of being on the pediatrician carousel (on and off of antibiotics, in and out of the MD's office, round and round so quickly my head was spinning), I decided to jump off and delve into the previously unbeknownst to me world of alternative medicine. I talked to a lot of people in the natural/holistic medicine world - some quackier that others - all willing to meet with me and discuss their secret solution. I have finally found my way to a great acupuncturist - who bridges the gap between Eastern and Western medicine in a common sense, non-threatening approach. Meanwhile the ENT is in a hurry to get Francesca under the knife - we met yesterday (Monday) and she said 'I could put tubes in her ears this Friday' - yikes! uh uh - let's not rush into anything that involves general anesthesia and a knife. So, I'm letting Francesca get stuck with needles and hoping desperately it works. Fingers crossed.

On the way home I let the monkeys eat apricots in the car - note to self for future reference - smushed apricot between babytoes and all over the car seat is disssgusting. Sebastien was highly amused - Francesca kept trying to suck her toes to get more fruit.